What should a Muslim family do if their daughter runs away?

Respected Brother-in-Islam

Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuhu

The matter you have referred to is of a very delicate nature. The question of her being punished will not be applicable. In an un-Islamic state where western concepts of equality and immorality is rife, wisdom and diplomacy will have to be implemented.

Firstly, turn to Allah Ta'ala and ask His assistance. Try to obtain more information concerning her ideologies. What does she mean she wants to be free? What has initiated the idea? Is there someone pressurising her? Is she in love with someone? What is the extent of the relationship?

Try to use one of her friends and confidants to obtain the information you need. Corporal punishments in this case will only add fuel to the fire. Instead of gaining closer to her, Allah Ta'ala forbid, you may lose her. This may be hard on you but you have no alternative. Try to arrange a meeting with her, convince her this time you will not scold her or reprimand her, you would only like to talk to her. Show her that you really love her. In this meeting, tell her to be open minded. Give her the chance to speak her heart out (not hiding anything from you).

Many youngsters have a barrier with their parents. They cannot express themselves with them. Allah willing in this meeting, you will have an idea of what are her thoughts and desires. Explain to her that the reason for your concern is the mere fact that you love her, you have feeling for her, you care for her well-being. Explain to her that being free and feminism is an unnatural, artificial and abnormal product of modern day disintegration which in turn is the inevitable result of the rejection of all moral and spiritual values.

Convince her that being free is an abnormal way to be adopted by a female. All human cultures make a clear cut distinction between 'masculinity' and 'feminity'. The social role for men and women are different. Explain to her that she is still young she has a life in front of her. She is only a screen that Shaytaan has placed in front of her eyes. She should not be deceived by Shaytaan. Does she really want to sacrifice her family for her freedom? What is freedom? Islam and the teaching of our beloved Rasul (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) in the real sense is freedom. If you follow the western way of life, there is really no freedom.

Take a look around yourself, the Americans, for example, 'they do what they like, eat what they feel like, promiscuous society.' 'If you really ask them, 'how is life', they will answer very difficult.' Now stop for a second. Look around yourself. Do you really want this type of freedom (which by the way is limited). Are you really ready for such a type of a life. Will you be able to cope out there all by yourself. If you are doing this all because you fell in love with a man, think is it really love or illusion? How well do you know him? Is he a Muslim? How is his behaviour and habit, etc?

a) These are just guidelines, you will have to take things step by step. b) Do not haste in your method.
c) Make lots of Du'aas. Allah Ta'ala only is the changer of hearts. d) Be very loving and caring towards her. Make her feel that she is really a part of the family and her absences are really being felt.
e) Start reading the Fadhaail-e-Aamaal in the home collectively if you are not reading. This Kitaab has proved very beneficial to people.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
FATWA DEPT.