Donor Embryo transplant or the second marriage? I am a 45 years old infertile woman.The chances of having a baby is almost zero

Question

I am a 45 years old infertile woman.The chances of having a baby is almost zero, according to the opinion of expert doctors. According to doctors I can go for IVF by donors egg. There are two options. A) Donor?s egg +my husband?s sperm. B) Donor?s embryo. Can we go for the second option, I think it is adopting or having some body?s else child from the very beginning. Please guide me accordingly if I am wrong. My husband Alhamdolilah is healthy and younger then me. I do not feel good. I do not want to give him this sacrifice for me; as he has right to have his own child. It will a ZULUM, what I do not want to do so. I am telling him to give me a divorce and to do a new marriage so he could have a child. I know it is the wording of Quran that a man cannot do equlibrium. That will be more than the pain of divorce. I red in Quran that when there is a divorce then Allah make them ?Bayniaz? with each other. I am at least hoping this mercy from Allah. On the other hand if my husband is going to have a complete family then I don?t want to be a thorn in front of all them. I am an educated person and doing job and take care of myself, rest of my life. But my husband does not want to listen for divorce or about the second marriage. I need your advise according to Quran, Sunnet and Shareyat. What should I do?

Sister Fadila · Accepted Answer

Jazakallah for writing to the institute.

You would like to know about IVF by donor's egg, Second marriage and divorce. The two options your doctor's have offered are not acceptable in Islam. Both methods involve the use of a non-mahram woman's ova being fertilised with your husband's sperm. A donor's embryo is not acceptable as you will not be the biological mother,(since your ova will not be fertilised with your husband's sperm).

It is acceptable to adopt a baby whom you may be able to breast feed (your doctors will tell you how your breastmilk can be produced with medication). This will then mean that either a son/daughter will be mahram for both you / your husband and the child will become your foster child. From what you write, I get the impression that your husband does not mind that you cannot have a child. If he has accepted the situation and if he does not want to remarry, why don't you accept the situation? There are lots of couples who do not have children either because the man/ woman do not meet with the required sperm/ovum criteria for producing a child. Try to accept this as a test from Allah Ta'ala. This is not zulm from your side on your husband. You are not in control of your body or your life. Allah Ta'ala had written this as taqdeer for both of you as a couple. Your husband is to be admired for his refusal to discard you just because you cannot have a child. It reveals a good character and sincerity on his behalf. You are a very fortunate woman and insha'allah both of you will reap the rewards in Jannah for accepting Allah Ta'ala's will in this world.

Yes, you may feel at times that you are depriving your husband of a house full of children etc. Both of you can still fill your lives with the laughter and joy of children around you by volunteering to work with children. There are so many Muslim children who have been brought over to the US from Bosnia, Afghanistan and many other 'Muslim' countries. There also children who are abandoned by their mothers or parents. Try to work with these children and give them the love and care they are being deprived of. You need to just contact agencies in your area to find out what services you can render for these children. Insha'allah you will find fulfillment in bringing joy to these children.

Allah Ta'ala's tests come in different forms to all of us. He is totally aware of your desire to have children. The sabr you make and the devotion you and your husband show to each other are recognised by HIM.

Please write if you need more clarification. May Allah Ta'ala grant you both greater love, understanding and if HE wills, a child in your home to love and comfort and cherish. May HE also make it easy for you to accept your situation. Ameen.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Sister Fadila
SOCIAL DEPT.

CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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