My Question is: Are we allowed to put flowers on a grave in the soil? and does this hurt the dead in anyway? can they feel it?

It is established from the Ahaadith that Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) placed 2 branches of a date palm tree on two Qabrs and thereafter said that as long as these branches don?t dry up, the punishment of the Qabr of these people will be lightened.

This was the Barkaat of the hands of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and his speciality. If this action was general for all people, then the Sahaaba (Radhiallaahu Anhum) would have definitely done the same because they were eager followers of Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and did everything Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) did. In order, to understand Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam), we have to look at the actions of the Sahaaba (Radhiallaahu Anhum). Their actions are an explanation of the sayings and actions of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam).

Sahaaba-e-Kiraam never did this. Also, nowadays so much of emphasis has been placed on this action and is regarded as a necessary which result in there being no doubt about it being a Bid?at (innovation). Also, people become brave to do sins by such actions and is therefore impermissible. The custom of placing flowers is a Bid?at (innovation) and is not established from the Shari?ah. (Ahsanul Fataawa vol.1 pg.374)

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai