Can I Disown my Disobedient Child?

As salām ʿalaikum wa raḥmatullāhī wa barakātuhū

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

The Qur’ān and Ḥadīth are replete with the instruction to maintain and join family ties. Speaking of the accolades of the people of understanding and their ultimate abode of paradise, Allāh Taʿālā says:

وَٱلَّذِينَ يَصِلُونَ مَآ أَمَرَ ٱللَّهُ بِهِۦٓ أَن يُوصَلَ وَيَخْشَوْنَ رَبَّهُمْ وَيَخَافُونَ سُوٓءَ ٱلْحِسَابِ

Translation: And those who maintain the relationships Allah has commanded to be maintained and fear their Lord and are frightful of evil reckoning.
[Sūrah al-Raʿd: 21]

Rasūlullāh صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

الرَّحِمُ مُعَلَّقَةٌ بِالْعَرْشِ تَقُولُ مَنْ وَصَلَنِي وَصَلَهُ اللَّهُ وَمَنْ قَطَعَنِي قَطَعَهُ اللَّهُ

Translation: Family relations are suspended to the Throne and says: He who unites me Allāh would unite him and he who severed me Allāh would sever him.‏
[Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim: 2555]

A disobedient child and a child that breaks the commands of Allāh can be a cause of difficulty to the parents. When faced with such a situation, the parents should consult with a reputable scholar in identifying the best means of rectifying the child. If after much effort and time, the parents see no change, they may, with gentleness, distance themselves, for short periods of time.

One should keep in mind that one’s child will respond to affection more positively than they respond to harshness.

A parent knows his/her child best. If there is a need to be strict and stern in order to instill something in the child, then sternness too should be adopted with careful measure. Do not be excessive in that, as this will lead to pushing the child further away, and will not help one to achieve the desired outcome.

Together with this one should turn to Allāh, engage in duʿā and give ṣadaqah.

There is nothing in Islām that results in disowning one’s child or ‘cutting them off’.

And Allāh Taʿālā knows best.